The stronger I get, the more I realize how weak I actually am.
Funny to think about, right?
I am only 24. Bear with me.
At 18 I thought it was juvenile to cry. Pathetic to ask for help. And that I had EVERY answer.
Well, I soon realized that was bullshit. In fact, I remember feeling like I knew everything at 8. But then again, I used to blend flour into the carpet instead of cleaning it up at that age.
In any case, over the past few years, and as Sean would say- after my quarter life crisis in 2014 when I dropped everything and traveled The States and The EU alone- I started to have some "awakenings" as to what else was really out there. And to be frank, that lil ol me did not have every answer or experience.
As time continues on, more countries have been visited, new loves have been made, and even more knowledge has been acquired-both in school and in the field. But nowadays this knowledge is viewed differently on my end. It's like a two-edged sword, so helpful, yet sometimes so hurting.
It's a yin and yang. The logical and the creative. The sun and the moon. The 1st world and the 3rd world. All of this seeking some balance, if there is such a thing.
You know, these places and experiences have really shaped who I am. They have indeed created the reality that I live in. But after being so many places, amongst so many communities, it really makes one reflect as to who we each individually are. I came to UNISG in Italy to study with these "like-minded" people, yet have not found that one soul connection like I have in other places. I searched out this area in particular because it seemed right- as Sean would say "If you never have any expectations, you'll never be let down"- and I should have thought about that first.
Being here has been a challenge, one of the greatest yet. And that is quite peculiar considering I am in a first world country, not Vietnam like earlier this year. So really, where does challenge lie? Within you? Within the city you live in? With the people whom you surround yourself with?
This is the contemplation as of late. Somewhere in between I will understand the dark in the light, the light in the dark, and the glass both half empty and half full.
To be continued...
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Saturday, September 17, 2016
Grab Bike>NYC Subway [Hanoi]
Suffice to say I may miss the safety precautions taken in The States, I do enjoy the sights to see whilst on the back of a motorbike here in Hanoi. Anyway, in NYC there is no better way to travel than on the subway, while here there is no better way to travel than on the back of a motorbike. (Taxis take to long & are over priced in both cities- just don’t do it.)
One of the unique differences of this mode of transportation is that it is above ground. Also, a Grab Bike rarely takes the same route twice. Both of these lend to a secret into finding your way around the city, and to being able to see the sights without having to drive, or be surrounded by the metal of a car- the city is vertical, you are able to look up!
Sometimes, when the streets aren’t crowded- which is almost never- I stick my arms out and feel the breeze hit my skin. A little Titanic I’m free moment before the iceberg hits. Lucky for me, my moto driver is unflinching as he weaves in and out of near death experiences of oncoming drivers, children, sales women with their rice hats, and that god awful Hanoi bus. In the mean time I look around at the buildings and the range of architecture around me. In between thoughts of screaming at the danger I am surrounded by, I laugh to myself for being in such a beautiful, chaotic place, that just works.
The slight downside to Grab Bike would honestly be that they call us Westerners expecting us to be able to speak and understand their Vietnamese, which we probably should, but can’t. In these cases, I just say the address of where I’m at or hand the phone to a nearby friendly native to help dear ol’ me out. Therefore, while a NYC subway allows you to jump on and off wherever, without much help of the city, a Grab Bike throws you into the city, and the culture of Hanoi itself.
Perhaps I will ride my own moto one day here, but until then I will continue to enjoy the blood pressure rising, the adrenaline running, and the cortisol coursing through my veins at the madness and beauty the joy rides have to offer.
One of the unique differences of this mode of transportation is that it is above ground. Also, a Grab Bike rarely takes the same route twice. Both of these lend to a secret into finding your way around the city, and to being able to see the sights without having to drive, or be surrounded by the metal of a car- the city is vertical, you are able to look up!
Sometimes, when the streets aren’t crowded- which is almost never- I stick my arms out and feel the breeze hit my skin. A little Titanic I’m free moment before the iceberg hits. Lucky for me, my moto driver is unflinching as he weaves in and out of near death experiences of oncoming drivers, children, sales women with their rice hats, and that god awful Hanoi bus. In the mean time I look around at the buildings and the range of architecture around me. In between thoughts of screaming at the danger I am surrounded by, I laugh to myself for being in such a beautiful, chaotic place, that just works.
The slight downside to Grab Bike would honestly be that they call us Westerners expecting us to be able to speak and understand their Vietnamese, which we probably should, but can’t. In these cases, I just say the address of where I’m at or hand the phone to a nearby friendly native to help dear ol’ me out. Therefore, while a NYC subway allows you to jump on and off wherever, without much help of the city, a Grab Bike throws you into the city, and the culture of Hanoi itself.
Perhaps I will ride my own moto one day here, but until then I will continue to enjoy the blood pressure rising, the adrenaline running, and the cortisol coursing through my veins at the madness and beauty the joy rides have to offer.
A Little Village [Hanoi]
Each area of Hanoi has it’s own village. And by that I mean community.
Walk down a given alley of a neighborhood and everyone takes their part in providing for the area. You have your tofu makers, butchers, vegetable sellers & fermenters, fruit sellers (sometimes different for each fruit), egg providers, quick marts, incense/shrine sellers, seafood providers, the milkman, the bean milkman, mushroom shops, pharmacies, and even a place to buy towels/glass jars/cooking utensils/etc. Along with this you will see some people selling different foods such as Bun Cha, Pho, Spring Rolls, Fried delicacies, Banh mi, Coffees, Bia Hoi, and so on.
The things is, if you go just a mile down the road, you will find the exact same things, just for that neighborhood. Again, it reminds me of NYC where one just has their local shops in each part of town. In places like Los Angeles where I am from, things are not so local, rather we would go to one single shop to buy EVERYTHING. Here I at least feel like the wealth is being spread about evenly and I see exactly where it goes. I am not paying directly to some corporate structure.
Best of all, I get genuine human interaction when I am buying these products. We all smile at each other and have a hand to hand exchange of goods. But beware, around 1 o’clock is nap time, and all of the shops will be closed.
…At least there are less motorbikes on the road at this time.
Walk down a given alley of a neighborhood and everyone takes their part in providing for the area. You have your tofu makers, butchers, vegetable sellers & fermenters, fruit sellers (sometimes different for each fruit), egg providers, quick marts, incense/shrine sellers, seafood providers, the milkman, the bean milkman, mushroom shops, pharmacies, and even a place to buy towels/glass jars/cooking utensils/etc. Along with this you will see some people selling different foods such as Bun Cha, Pho, Spring Rolls, Fried delicacies, Banh mi, Coffees, Bia Hoi, and so on.
The things is, if you go just a mile down the road, you will find the exact same things, just for that neighborhood. Again, it reminds me of NYC where one just has their local shops in each part of town. In places like Los Angeles where I am from, things are not so local, rather we would go to one single shop to buy EVERYTHING. Here I at least feel like the wealth is being spread about evenly and I see exactly where it goes. I am not paying directly to some corporate structure.
Best of all, I get genuine human interaction when I am buying these products. We all smile at each other and have a hand to hand exchange of goods. But beware, around 1 o’clock is nap time, and all of the shops will be closed.
…At least there are less motorbikes on the road at this time.
Jackfruit [Hanoi]
You haven’t lived until you’ve had jackfruit.
I kept seeing the ominous spikes and thought it was that terrible imposter durian. If you’ve ever had durian, you would understand my rational fears.
Well, at work one day the natives offered me some fruit and after first denying it, I took a piece. And then a few more pieces. And then I was hooked. The next day I went out and bought some for the house. The day after that the roommates bought some for the house. We decided it was all over, we could no longer live a day without jackfruit.
This fibrous, sweet, beautifully flavored massive fruit is sent from the heavens. (Or India, really.) It is mostly served here from a woman cutting it up on the streets, or on that fancy styrofoam.
As we started to consume it everyday we discovered how it tastes frozen and also what to do with the seeds that are usually discarded. Come to find out, the seeds roasted/boiled and peeled are a protein rich delicious potato flavored wonder. I’m sure the chefs of NY will turn it into a $100 plate special 5 years from now… but you heard it here first!
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
May your inner self be happy and secure.
The title of this post is the inscription written on the end of the string on my cup of tea. Quite fitting for Yogi tea, and the yogi in me.
I woke up today a little sore, a little slow...my body must have known the rain was coming.
As I sit here in my quiet house with the doors open and the rain gently falling to the ground, I am reminded of the little things in life that provide happiness. And while I am grateful for the sounds of nature and the clean air to breathe, I still get a little unsettled here and there- even with all of the comforts of home surrounding me.
It's funny, ya know, that society just tries to accumulate as much as possible before death. Collecting money that is just a figment on a screen, to jewels collected by migrant workers far off in the distance, to cars made of parts from a country with the highest population in the world, to the best wines, and the most luxurious of homes big enough to contain the American military. Alright, maybe this is an exaggeration, but my point is that no matter what we collect, there can still be a feather of sadness deep within...
Around mid morning today I started to get a little down and I headed to yoga to try and clear my head. I was questioning how I could be so unsettled in such a beautiful warm home, with decadent food and a loving family and animals, but then it hit me. No matter what my surroundings may be I will continue to struggle until my soul has its own sense of peace. Being the A type personality that I am, it is hard to accept that my time to reach peace may be longer than I "planned."
So, what is it that keeps me moving forward and that should keep you along your path? Those little coincidences that occur on a daily basis. And also the ability to be aware of where YOU are at, and accepting that your time is different than others. As for today, my coincidence is this little note on my tea bag that reminded me of the morning's concern.
When we find these little pieces of light, we must cherish them, as they are a reminder that we will at a time get to where we are going. Until then, I will churn my anxieties into the asanas of my yoga practice and will do my best to contribute my longings to the arts. And even after all is said and done, I will keep encouraging myself- and you- to take on the next challenge in our lives. To stay curious, to stay fascinated, and to keep chugging along in this dimension of reality, yo.
Much love, and much serenity to you,
Laci Annmarie
I woke up today a little sore, a little slow...my body must have known the rain was coming.
As I sit here in my quiet house with the doors open and the rain gently falling to the ground, I am reminded of the little things in life that provide happiness. And while I am grateful for the sounds of nature and the clean air to breathe, I still get a little unsettled here and there- even with all of the comforts of home surrounding me.
It's funny, ya know, that society just tries to accumulate as much as possible before death. Collecting money that is just a figment on a screen, to jewels collected by migrant workers far off in the distance, to cars made of parts from a country with the highest population in the world, to the best wines, and the most luxurious of homes big enough to contain the American military. Alright, maybe this is an exaggeration, but my point is that no matter what we collect, there can still be a feather of sadness deep within...
Around mid morning today I started to get a little down and I headed to yoga to try and clear my head. I was questioning how I could be so unsettled in such a beautiful warm home, with decadent food and a loving family and animals, but then it hit me. No matter what my surroundings may be I will continue to struggle until my soul has its own sense of peace. Being the A type personality that I am, it is hard to accept that my time to reach peace may be longer than I "planned."
So, what is it that keeps me moving forward and that should keep you along your path? Those little coincidences that occur on a daily basis. And also the ability to be aware of where YOU are at, and accepting that your time is different than others. As for today, my coincidence is this little note on my tea bag that reminded me of the morning's concern.
When we find these little pieces of light, we must cherish them, as they are a reminder that we will at a time get to where we are going. Until then, I will churn my anxieties into the asanas of my yoga practice and will do my best to contribute my longings to the arts. And even after all is said and done, I will keep encouraging myself- and you- to take on the next challenge in our lives. To stay curious, to stay fascinated, and to keep chugging along in this dimension of reality, yo.
Much love, and much serenity to you,
Laci Annmarie
Friday, January 1, 2016
To live the life you've DREAMED of.
No one said it was going to be easy.
But who gains any sense of growth without a challenge?
You know, forging your own path is a journey that is best left covered up. You know, if you aren't into personal enlightenment and expanded consciousness.
I say this because most people don't want to get into the nitty gritty of doing what they love. They don't want to fight their way through the dark spots of their lives to reach a higher potential. It takes work. Dedicated, hard work.
Therefore only the bravest may head down this road that some of us call real life.
Sometimes I start to think that I could give up, just get a desk job, make a basic competitive salary and live life. Sure, I might be happy enough. Sure, I might be content. But what about the soul's journey on this planet to help evolution?
My journey really started about two years ago this time. Frankly, it has been hard, but in so many other ways it has been one blessing after another. Grounding myself- accepting the eccentric person that I am- helped to unfold a person ready to pursue my own values and beliefs. In doing this I have had moments of fearing the unknown, debating with family who doesn't understand, and having some days of deep sadness. But... through it all I have also found a great support system of like-minded people, have found my own art, and am open to what the future continues to bring.
I encourage each and every one of you to start forging a path that is your own. There may not be a guide to help get you there, and in fact their may be no direction given by any one, but stay strong, persevere, and remember that you can make a difference. Be the artist of your life!
But who gains any sense of growth without a challenge?
You know, forging your own path is a journey that is best left covered up. You know, if you aren't into personal enlightenment and expanded consciousness.
I say this because most people don't want to get into the nitty gritty of doing what they love. They don't want to fight their way through the dark spots of their lives to reach a higher potential. It takes work. Dedicated, hard work.
Therefore only the bravest may head down this road that some of us call real life.
Sometimes I start to think that I could give up, just get a desk job, make a basic competitive salary and live life. Sure, I might be happy enough. Sure, I might be content. But what about the soul's journey on this planet to help evolution?
My journey really started about two years ago this time. Frankly, it has been hard, but in so many other ways it has been one blessing after another. Grounding myself- accepting the eccentric person that I am- helped to unfold a person ready to pursue my own values and beliefs. In doing this I have had moments of fearing the unknown, debating with family who doesn't understand, and having some days of deep sadness. But... through it all I have also found a great support system of like-minded people, have found my own art, and am open to what the future continues to bring.
I encourage each and every one of you to start forging a path that is your own. There may not be a guide to help get you there, and in fact their may be no direction given by any one, but stay strong, persevere, and remember that you can make a difference. Be the artist of your life!
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