1+1=3

According to Merriam-Webster:

Relationship:
1. way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other
2. a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
3. the way in which two or more people or things are connected

Boyfriend/Girlfriend:
-a frequent or regular male/female companion in a romantic or sexual relationship

So, as I move into a new relationship, let's say one that is taking precedence over all others, I am trying to discover what the immense feeling I have inside is and what it is based upon. 

The start of a relationship is a beautiful experience, and to me a relationship is not meant to be the we are one, we do everything together, we can't be apart type of feeling. Rather a relationship is where 1+1=3. A good base is essential to a relationship, but most importantly you must remember to stay the person you are and bring that to the growth of what will ensue. To get to the sum of three... the two of you must bring so much apart that you create more that just a single entity or fraternal twins (ha). Instead, the ultimate intention shall be to become transcended individuals, succumbing to more than either of you thought was possible. 

Frankly, why am I speaking of all this nonsense? Even I am beginning to wonder. 
Well, I must say that regardless of sexual, romantic, platonic feelings, a boyfriend/relationship may arise when it feels right. When you find that soul, that for the time being you want to learn and grow with. Not to grow as one, but to grow as an individual. To learn from someone what you cannot find yourself (and this does not mean you are opposites!). And most importantly, to find that someone-who for a moment in time- can understand all of your quirks, awkwardness, passions, and still smile every time you walk in the room. 

I think it's about time you fell in love again.

These words I mentioned to a close New Yorker of mine. Someone who I indeed care about, maybe even felt love for in this life.
There are many levels to love, and in other languages... multiple words for love.
But what is it that love means to each and everyone of us? Surely there can't be a definition that universally fits.
And what about that old little saying from Sherrilyn Kenyon, "If you love something, set it free."
In my own experiences I have found that letting people go, and seeing where life takes them has a beauty in it's own right. A beauty that one can learn from. 
The other half of this quote, "If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with," leaves a different impression though. One that I don't necessarily agree with in all of its wholeness. Reason being that one shouldn't think love could be owned in the first place, and second of all... even if someone or something doesn't come back to you doesn't mean it wasn't real for the time it was a part of your life. 
The real issue (so to speak) with love today, is that people assume there is that one great love. That one prince charming. That one soul mate. That one being that completes you. But seriously, out of the 7.5 billion people in the world, how could that be possible? Ideally we should be falling in love as much as possible. This doesn't mean we are always sexually intimate, but it does mean that we are feeling an emotion that evokes a deep connection with another being. This connection allows for the unearthing of a beautiful art. An art of learning from one another and an ability to embrace the fact that we are continually growing. Now... I know this in not fathomable for everyone, that some people do not always desire this closeness, but why limit oneself when there are truly beautiful people, beautiful souls all around? And when for a moment in time one does find that almost "perfect" love... enjoy that too. 

Discover, Nurture, Love. 

To be open.

What is one of the most important lessons to learn in life?
What does learning encompass for you?
Do you agree/disagree a lot?

These questions are something to consider when in conversation with others.
From my experience being open is one of the greatest gifts you can grant yourself.
To be open is to let other perspectives come in...without judgement.
When this occurs, you allow a new seed to be planted. And though this seed may not grow right away, perhaps never at all, it is at least given that chance.

Openness is a state of mind, a physical showcase, a welcoming of life, and a gesture of human kindness.
We all want to find that common ground that links us together.

A Personal Rant

Location: Freudian Sip... CSUN

Last year of school and I'm regarding my intentions to do homework as a lost effort that can place energy somewhere else. Make sense.............. Basically decided to write this blog because I can't focus on reading Applied Cognition at the moment. 

The greatest thing to learn is to be true to you. A recurrent theme that has been eluded to my entire life (of 22 years), but is just now being understood. So while I am making my way through this last year of Uni I am practicing what it is that I feel represents the true me. That me that I searched for this year and continue to learn about. 

Since being home a lot of projects have been started, some have fallen away, and some have grown. Though the biggest obstacle I continually fight is that of fear. Fear of failing, fear of not being productive, and fear of not reaching my highest potential. In order to begin any of the following projects I had to remind myself that I can not give up even before I start. Sure it takes a lot of work to keep that motivation up, but when I do it feels great. In fact, it feels fucking incredible. 

Lately I have been doing 30 minutes of French lessons in the mornings, yoga 2-4 times a week, hiking, attempting to start running, making pickles for sale, painting, cooking (a lot), having psychedelic conversations with like-minded people that seem to drift into my life bubble, gardening (the seeds have begun to sprout), growing sprouts in my garden window, hanging out with friends, reading, listening to podcasts, etc etc etc. 

Granted at this time in my life I only have school to worry about, I am making the most of the time I have. Perhaps my cynical view of life assumes to much when thinking that most people need to enjoy their life more, but I can't help it. In today's overrun, exhaustive, technological society that becomes more impersonal every day, people need to take control of their existence. In order to reach their potential they need to re-evaluate those possibilities in their life that can bring about some bliss. Rather than going through daily repetitive motions we humans need to be challenged, we need to continually grow in as many aspects of life as we can. Especially y'all in your 20's, because once you shape your life to be ever-changing in a stable environment, only then can you be happy and content. And just to think, if we all learn this young, our lives when we are older will be even that much better. Gather knowledge, gather life, gather love. And most of all, be true to yourself. Be true to that which you feel is ultimately right within your entire being-no matter the effort, cost, time, losses or gains. 

Back to The Basics

Time: 8:52 PST
Place: Los Angeles, CA
Mood: Present

A blog. What does that even look like? Well, it looks like what ever the hell I want it to be... Kind of like my life.
Settling here at home has been cool. Real cool. Kinda of like a nice cool breeze after a long morning of hiking near Malibu. Wait. That actually might be cooler.
ANYWAY. Besides going on these trails around LA since being back, I have had to attempt to settle in. So let me preach about how it all has been going.
I'm different. Friends are different. My cat is still a cunt. BUT we have all grown! Such a beautiful thing to be a part of....ya know? A month being here after seven stomping the world is not nearly enough to realize the potential of the future, but the basics I have implemented are enough for now.
The house is coming together (finally), the GoPro stands are put up for proper (the English man) documentation, the garden is ready to be planted (and larger), my final year at Uni (College in foreign people terms) has officially started, a weekly art day is set, I'm back to yoga at 6AM, cooking too much, and of course sitting on the beach as much as possible.
These "basics" of mine are what I searched for on my journey this year. To find what makes me happy. And while there is a lot of motivation that I have to keep pushing forward with; life feels good.

Inevitability

Time: 11:11 AM
Place: Den Haag, The Netherlands
Feeling: Like a cool cat

The question and desire along this trip has been to find passion. People have said, "life will figure itself out," "it will just come to you," "finish school," etc. And yes, they are right. However we do need some reminders that we are on the path we are actually choosing for ourselves. Today that reminder is solidified in the fact that I am sitting here on my favorite day of the week (Sunday) and just reading. I have been clogging (a Netherlands pun) around the world, but I am still completing those ideals I have set for myself-without even trying! If anyone has seen my house or read through a notebook... I function through lists, and organized chaos. These lists have stated my goals, desires, reminders to walk Lola and all. And though not all is accomplished, the things that are critical to place me in this world where I am meant to be have been completed. What is amazing to me though is the things I have done that I didn't think were possible. A few years ago I stated I wanted to drive through the U.S. the year after going to Europe. I thought that since I had taken off so much time in 2013 I never would be able to in 2014, but I did it. Yet as I have taken off this time I am still headed towards the direction of finishing school and progressing as I reach the age of 22. The next steps will come as they may, without force, but always with a desire to improve and grow. So... a word of advice from the Psych major...rather than doing what you think you SHOULD do, do what you WANT!

Leaving Germany (for a little while)

Time: 11:21AM 

Place: Leipzig Hbf

Going to: Prague (Praha), Czech Republic

Here I go. I'm off! Finally, to another country besides Germany. And let me tell you, I am really putting my foot out there-I even have to use a new currency! HA. I am trying to be as ridiculous as possible. 4 months and 1 day since I left my cozy little home in Los Angeles and I have been doing nothing but adventuring so to speak. The thing is though, that I am not like the "normal" adventurer from the United States. Of course I love to see some of the historical and tourist sites but to me traveling is about the people you meet and those small places that no one finds. Sure I can go to the Reichstag and take a beautiful picture, but staying in a communal home that is building a hostel sounds so much more interesting. After all, a picture is just a picture, but there is nothing like a good story. Like that time I went indoor rock-climbing in Berlin and then went to a mini rave at an airport that no longer was in use. Perhaps the reason why I am not so anxiety ridden about seeing as many places I can in this short 2 months left is because I know I will be back. I know that my life will always consist of being a traveler. Frankly, like Kerouac says, it is a drug. 

A lesson to learn in life is that as much as we want something, we don't always need it right away. I have had this thought in my head about the difference between the two-want and need. There is a fine line between them but when you think you must have something or do something... it is most likely not right for you. When you push too hard you lose sight of the things that are presented in front of you and more likely to help you. An example of this during my trip was when I simply took my time leaving Berlin and headed to the train station for Leipzig. A place I decided to go to because a friend of a friend had a place for me. (To me the city was much more beautiful than Berlin.) Funny enough as I was getting off the train at the Hbf to catch the next I ran into a friend that I was working with in Northern Germany. Had I tried to change my plans or pushed to leave earlier...anything that was not natural I would not have had this spectacular run in. A run in that made me smile and realize that to be a traveler you must have some intentions, but nothing too set that you can't let life take you where you are supposed to go. So now as I head to Prague to couchsurf with a man from America I am open to see what comes my way. As with each new step there are always some frightening feelings, but nothing that can't be saved in today's vast world of technology. To live and to travel is to be present, and to be exactly who you are, because there is one thing you can count on-people are people. 

Sensuality of Community

Time: 19:53
Location: Bottom floor of Mutzingen home
Feeling: Blissful and productive (even though everything online is in German!)

Start with this song by Creedence
Someday never comes. In tune with this song I must say that someday only comes when you jump into it. When you immerse yourself just into what is thrown your way. At first it may be hard to find your sense of community-which is really all we look for when we go anywhere/live anywhere. Through each place I have ventured to I have learned that you can't wait for something to feel right for yourself, you can't just expect to not be uncomfortable, so in retaliation you must jump in. To become one with the community your day will come though, and when you find those people it is only then that you feel at home.
What I am trying to get at is that in life we only want to find this community in which we feel we belong, something that is greater than us, and better than we could have imagined. Being here in this small village like town of Germany I have indeed found my sense of community, but it is not what I would typically imagine for myself. Back at home I have the comforts of being able to drive anywhere at any time, able to watch tv, stay warm without a couple jackets, have internet anywhere in the house- all of these material things that normally seem so needed. Being here this is not what has occurred. Coming here I could not see that day coming, that day where I was going to get "adjusted" and comfortable in my new location, rather I found that there were more important things to this monotonous life I had been feeling these past few years.
What is so cool about being here is that while we are living in a rural place, the people here are so full of human wealth. Living here I have seen that the people still live off of their land, they use the products they grow, the eggs from their neighbors, the organic food from the local shops, the wood for the furnace and oven, the sardine oil to start a fire, etc. All of this seems like so much work, but the people are so happy and so satisfied with the life they live. Here I have found a community to help and be a part of. Something greater than me, something greater than themselves. The sensuality of community is that you can't always see it, in fact you don't need to see it-or touch it- you need to be it, feel it. Because that someday, that sign, that click in the brain is never going to come. It is already here.

Germany, and all the green in between

Time: 13:46

Location: Mutzingen, Germany

Sounds: Chopping wood (for the wood-fired stove) & birds endlessly chirping

Quite a different feel here in this part of Germany, not just from the entire country itself, but from the previous parts of my journey as well. It is kind of hard to believe I have made it here after driving through the U.S., living in New Orleans and New York and flying 7 hours on a red eye to Frankfurt. If you asked me where I would be three months from February I would not have said a tiny village in Northern Germany. Well oh well, here I am! Using the lovely website of HelpX I have landed myself in a communal home surrounded by endless fields of green and not a house in site for almost a mile. I can walk into the forest, listen to the trees sway, and cook pizza in a wood-fired oven (outside). All the food we eat is organic, we garden outside, compost our scraps, and play games of Wizard. I have swept, vacuumed, used horse shit as fertilizer and gathered knowledge of recipes with Rosi (otherwise known as God- she sees everything). 

What I am trying to get at is that this trip has taken a turn for the gathering of knowledge in a way that is not derived from within. I am here to help. To do whatever it is that this family needs before their yearly 9 day festival in the backyard. While doing this I get to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I am surrounded by beautiful scenery, exquisite people, the aromas of nourishing food, and clean air. Makes one think... is THIS the secret to life?

Changing Seasons

Spring is finally here!
When I first arrived in New York it was raining, a bit cold for my California and New Orleans skin, and nothing but dirt. And now- about three weeks later- the trees are blooming and the tulips are blowing kisses from the ground. This is a really exciting time in the city, and my mood has put an extra pep in the step. You see, in places like Los Angeles we have no seasons and there remains a level of stagnancy. Really it is quite funny when you consider that people could have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in a place like New York or Seattle during the winter months. They say people get depressed during this time, but I think they are all lying. The real problem is in places like California- we all become manic through the entire year because we have no weather! Someone find the name for this disease and send it my way. If not, my future psych degree will make a life intention of putting this in the DSM-XXXVII. All this said, I am so grateful to finally experience this city at such a dawn of time. I hear the birds chirping, see the people strolling through Central Park, see frozen yogurt trucks on street corners, and the lanky white legs donning shorts. A sight to see, a sight to see, yippee!

The Pleasure Principle

Pleasure: 1. a feeling of happiness, enjoyment, or satisfaction
            2. activity that is done for enjoyment
            3. a state of gratification
According to Webster these three statements are the definitions of pleasure. Right now, the three statements that define this word for me are:

1. feeling content
2. being calm in the mind and physical body
3. a smile that comes from the heart

Perhaps these definitions are just examples, or perhaps they are simply just my current intentions. After meditating, I feel much more sustained that I did about 7 hours ago in a coffee shop. My mind racing, the caffeine in my veins, the thought of hunger in my stomach; the cynicism was just flowing-non stop. So after reading about 2 chapters of my new book, attempting a little blog post, and an iced americano later I decided to go on a walk to grab some food before heading back home. Home to me right now is a quaint apartment in upper Harlem where the cats roam in front of their owner's grocery next door, rats run around at night, and the people sit on the stoop. Here in this part of Manhattan life has a different flow, a good amount of soul. I have always vacationed to New York and spent time in SoHo, Midtown, the Lower East Side, and all those busy places, but this time it is different. The city has a different meaning to me this time around. Where I use to think of the city as a pure home for me, I can now see where life is a bit harsher. If I am always in search of pleasure, this makes things even more complicated. Here in New York people do not simply "live" and by live I mean relax, connect, smile, or observe what the reality is around them. To sustain yourself in this city you must be apt to spending time alone and kind of in the wild. Though once you've got yourself in check this city is a piece of cake (cheesecake). While there is every option available to oneself, there are only the options that you allow yourself to embrace. Here in New York I have had to face myself a bit more. And as I have been mentally blocked for the last couple of weeks I have come to conclude that it is just my mind getting ahead of me. I keep thinking what should I want? What should I do? Where should I go? What should I get done? Rather than just doing it, letting it flow. A lesson to learn is to just be, to be present within your reality. This is a statement of what true pleasure really is. 

Bittersweet Melodies

A beautiful time. A beautiful, magical, incredible city.
I am a bit jaded as to leaving this city, but I know that it is the correct decision at this point in my life. It is all bittersweet. Frankly though, I can always return. The friends I have made here are something of what I consider my family and they have done nothing but be the smiling faces that we all need during those dance nights, those juice cleanses, those cooking nights, and those dwelling on emotions kinds of days. Besides the loves I have been living with, the people in this town have been more than anything I could have ever expected. This town has made me realize that there really are true people still in this world, that there is a light that can shine through each one of us. As much as you give to this city it gives back, plus more.
Currently I am sitting at one of the most wonderful coffee shops. Not because of what they serve here, but for the community that is Flora's. The owner here has not only supplied me with coffee, he has sat me down to talk about life, to remind me what it is that our own worth consists of. My family of roommates all convene here and while they sit outside playing music, my dear friend plays the piano inside, drowning away all the worries that one could ever have. Tears have filled my eyes for the past three days and right now as I put these words out. These tears are a mark as to what this city has done for me. It has rekindled the spirit that I thought was lost. The spirit that was just so numb back at home.
This is just the beginning though. The past month or so a memory that will stay in my heart forever.

And here is the recap of what has happened-besides all of this emotional talk.
I have...

1. Drank so much that it now takes 4-5 drinks to cop a buzz
2. Become more technology savvy (well, starting)
3. Started recording podcasts asking people what they are passionate about
4. Started a website
5. Cleared out old itunes music
6. Read two books
7. Smoked too many cigarettes (American Spirits without the filters)
8. Loved, and learned how each love is different, how it can't be quantified to be a single ideal
9. Joined Okcupid and secretly enjoyed it
10. Become a community and learned to let go of the word "mine"
11. Gone to the country club (they all swim naked..and no I didn't)
12. Started meditating more
13. Realized how much more I need to listen
14. Volunteered at a local farmers market
15. Got my car towed

... And much much more

Kale to Po-boys to essential Homo sapiens and their development

Location: Zotz Coffee Shop
Physical State: Not hungover, not yet fully caffeinated, a bit hungry, teeth not yet brushed
Time starting said blog post: 1342 Central Time
Weather: Somewhat hazy, warm, not humid

Ah, Louisiana. With all of your fried chicken, Miller High Life deals, Po-boys, and ATM fees I cannot even begin to mention my gratitude. Really though, a man here told me he had only eaten kale once, and being vegan in this city must only happen to those who really do not want to have the pleasures of the fine delicacies here. This all being said: my hometown of Los Angeles is but a fade in my memory at this moment of life. A month here in New Orleans has been but a blessing in disguise- living here a continuous learning experience. The things that use to have precedence in my life are still here, but my thoughts are consumed by new opportunities ahead and how to hopefully be able to live out of a backpack. At home I have so many possessions, so many material items, but none of that really matters. We can be fashionable anywhere we go, but it does not define the experience we may have. This has been my latest lesson as I pack up and get ready to leave this city. When beginning this journey I brought a huge rolling bag, and now am downsizing to a travelers backpack hoping to make my way back to Europe. The greatest thing I have found though is that along my journey thus far, I have had connections almost everywhere I have gone. Starting this next step I will be headed up the east coast-intending to reach NYC- where I will be greeted by friend's family and my own. I no longer need to carry with me the objects that make me feel comfortable, I need to carry with me those items that are essential. Alongside this there is also the internal projection- where what we really need to be concerned with is that which sustains us. The positive thoughts, living food, adequate rest, and good vibrational people. All the other bullshit can go bury itself in the above ground cemeteries of New Orleans.
Seriously though, I came to this town first to learn from someone very close to me. And let me tell you, it has not been easy. First- I have never lived anywhere but home, let alone with someone other than my father. Second- I shower too much and use too much toilet paper. Third- I love love. Fourth- Creative expression is worth more to the well-being of the soul than a corporate job. We all need to develop our own art to make OUR lives worthwhile, to make them of value (other than a 401K and retirement fund). Fifth- Meditation is key, perhaps even more than any form of physical exercise. Sixth- Juice cleanses make you feel emotion, feel your body, and colon cleanses are kind of freaky. Seventh- We must remember to keep our egos in check.
These seven statements or marks of human existence have enlightened my soul; have helped me to blossom in a new fashion that I didn't know resided within me. I am more than thankful for this and am ready to keep moving.
The people we meet in life are more than just a number in our smartphones, they are a sum of millions of cells working towards helping one another. All we have to do is be open.
And here lies a spewing of non-essential, peculiar trails of thoughts. Hope you've enjoyed. Hope you can figure it all out for me... in that metaphorical kind of way.

Morning Times

Time- 7:53 AM
Place- Treme Coffee Shop
Consciousness- Not hungover

Yep, awake early this morning here in New Orleans. In fact, awake before 7 AM. Who knows why, but it feels damn good. Something about the mornings that have always resonated with me. Some people are night owls and thrive during those late hours.. As for me I have always been a person who has the most energy right after the sun gets over the horizon. Good for all those morning shifts in past jobs I suppose. Here in NOLA this is a time during the day when people are still fast asleep after a long night partying down Frenchmen St. or through the Quarter.
Let's be honest though, the real reason I am awake is that I have never been a Friday party person. For some reason it is always the night that I stay in, maybe because I know everyone else will be out? It is the time I reflect on my week-relax and gather energy for the rest of the weekend to come. Today I will again be volunteering at the Hollygrove Market. Here they grow a lot of their own produce, home-deliver boxes, and provide local items to sell for those that walk in. This work has been all that has consisted during my time away from home... which is about a month now. I have been trying to slow down and realize that life is not just about work and making money, that we have to enjoy ourselves every so often and just live. Like I've said before people here are great at just living-being. And with the extra time I have given myself I have read one book, started another, organized itunes, started a podcast, partied, and made the best of friends.
Though while being here I have learned how one can simply fall back into the ways that they know best. For myself I am usually very structured in my days and while this has not been the case consistently here, I have found in myself what I remember back in Los Angeles. That little consistency that will always remain within us. But I want to make some things clear. People told me, you won't find yourself somewhere else if you can't find yourself here and I don't agree with that. Granted a place cannot make you who you are, but the people and the experiences you have will. The psych major in me kept thinking that once I understood myself more and got inside my head that I would have a clearer picture, but I got caught up in trying to find that rather than living. Instead, by living and actually DOING the things I want I will get where I need to go. We all have to stop getting caught up in what we think and just jump in. We lose time thinking about what the consequences will be, we waste time worrying. Let go of the anxiety and the future and live for the moment. Therein lies the passion and the purpose of life.

L.A. to LA

Well, here I have landed for about two weeks in the magical city of New Orleans. The first thing that I must say is this city wants to help you. Who knows where other places like this exist, but pure people reside here, and some pretty damn good food. Granted my liver has taken quite the beating, I am apart of something greater here. My life and those amongst me are keeping this city breathing, keeping the diastolic and systolic functions going. The heartbeat of this city is music, the humidity, the coffee, the $1 Miller High Life's at Molly's, on and on I could go. Throughout my travels in life-these 21 years- I have not once lived somewhere longer than a week. For the first time today I actually did something touristy-went to a museum-and before that had never thought about adventuring on to something such as this. Immediately when I got here I became a citizen of the town because there is nothing but open arms here. This launching pad of a city has made me realize that people actually do LIVE there lives rather than working to live. Regardless of making rent or having the best clothes, the people here look you in the eye and see that there is more to your soul than the Tiffany necklace hanging along your chest. Simplicity and love reside here, but behind it is the secret of the pain and suffering that made it the city it is today. I am more than grateful to be welcomed by her, Ms. NOLA.

No schedules and tight hips

Day: Saturday, February 15th
Location: Treme Coffee Shop- New Orleans
Current State: Not hungover

A whirlwind. That is the best way to even begin to describe what this past week- the past five days- have done to me. Being taken completely out of my comfort zone I have been placed into a new realm. As much as I feel I am out of what my "normal" surroundings are, I am quite at peace. Already there is a difference in my skin and the word anxiety can be used much less in my vocabulary now. In Los Angeles I always feel the need to be on a schedule and do things in a particular way. Being here that is not completely gone, but I have had to just roll with the punches a little bit more. Here in New Orleans the way of life is to live more in the present and I have been doing just that. For instance, I woke up this morning already thinking of how I wanted to my day to go. That I wanted to clean my car, do some work, laundry, yoga, and then get ready. But when I woke up, it flipped. Jordan and I did some yoga, and while he is currently napping I am here at a coffee shop getting work done before organizing the rest of my life. What I am learning from just going with the day rather trying to make the day is that things work out for the better. While I may not yet be showered, I have found this new coffee shop on my own and was able to send presents to my nephews for their birthdays. All in all everything gets completed, it just doesn't have to be in a set fashion.

Consistently I have tried to set my life into motion rather than just letting it flow. When I left Los Angeles a week and a half ago I had plans of where I wanted to drive and what days I wanted to be in certain places- and guess what- it all changed! In my life this has been a recurring thing, and I still don't know why I am trying to force anything anymore. There has to be a time when I will actually learn to let life lead me rather than me leading my life. I came to New Orleans to get away from what I have always known. I am not saying that life will be a complete 180 from where I was, but I know the experiences ahead of me will be more worthwhile than anything I could work 8 hours a day for and buy.

Another realization since I have been here is that throughout my entire life I have been doing just what I think I should be doing, not what I actually want to do. Weird to think about, right? I'm now considering this the need to develop the left brain-right brain connection instead of the mind-body connection. We grow up in this society going to school since we are about 4 or 5 and then are told to continue this progression into college. Somehow I missed the creativity train. If I knew then what I am learning now my life could have started in a different place-or at least post high school. That isn't to say that my college experience has limited me, but I just wish I knew what was important to me rather than what is important to society. Here in New Orleans I see people around me that have a love for the art they aspire to accomplish in their lives, and this brings me some pangs of jealousy and envy. Perhaps this is why my hips have been absolutely killing me.
What Are Your Hips Telling You?
Sure, I don't want to feel this in my body or to have these thoughts, but it is all something I must go through to get where I am supposed to be. Thankfully all of this creative energy around me is non-stop and the people I have met have been so pure. This is definitely a change of pace, but it is a pace that has ignited a spark. All I know now is that the possibilities are endless. I have the ability to do what I want, how I want. All in due time.

California Woman

Well, here I am at 7 in the morning wide awake with my weak coffee. In Texas we are two hours ahead of Los Angeles and still, I wake up at the same damn time... even with those fancy black out curtains here at "The Best Western." At least they have free breakfast.

Let me begin by saying that all of the weather I am experiencing is quite the adventure. In Cali we have two seasons, but apparently everywhere else has four. Since I began my trip I have experienced the cold in North Fork and Vegas, the snow falling in Flagstaff, the snow on the side of the road in New Mexico, and the slippery ice here in Amarillo, Texas. Now I am not saying any of this is bad, rather it's kind of exhilarating. Each step I take (in my clearance brown Doc Martens) is done with care. Granted I haven't fallen yet, there will come a time. 

After getting my Americano with soy and my solo espresso on the side from Macy's coffee shop in Flagstaff around 10am I drove to Santa Fe. Along the way I listened to The Joe Rogan Experience about Bitcoin (Andreas Antonopoulos), played Lana Del Rey's Paradise multiple times, and took in all the flat mountainous scenery. Driving an hour off of my I-40 route I decided to stop for some food with those famous green and red chiles. Well let me tell you it was delicious, but they still have nothing on our California mexican food. But thank you Santa Fe, maybe i'll come back to try and find that "artsy" part of town I never came across. Hence the drive to Amarillo the same day- accomplishing over 600 miles across America in about 10 hours. I got over my fear of driving in the dark and sang to my country music on Pandora (thanks Jason Aldean). 

At the beginning of this journey I felt some of the emotions I have at home, but once I got in the car yesterday I realized that my dark passenger hasn't tried to bring me down as much as I assumed they would. In fact, I have been screaming and chanting with joy in my 37 MPG Honda Civic. And just to think, this is only the begginning. 

Battle oneself

At home-and for that matter any where else-I have always had an unsettling feeling to keep in constant motion, a feeling that brings up resentment towards  myself. Feeling like my mind is a negative playing field it is an ongoing struggle between what I want to do and what I think I should be doing. An analogy-that the mind body connection just isn't quite there yet... Any way, as I woke up this morning in a college apartment I decided to get up once a few of the girls left. All alone downstairs I made some chai tea and opened up my new yoga app. At home I belong to a wonderful studio, but when that is not available to me I have to push myself to get my flexibility on. Here starts the battle. Am I doing this to stay fit? Or am I doing this for the goodness of my temple of a body? While either answer could be positive, I am not sure what it is that I actually want. A part of me says I love doing yoga every morning, and another part of me just wants to eat brownies and watch The Today Show. This challenge is one to overcome, if it can even be called a challenge. Somehow, someway the balance within myself must be found. Granted such a thing could never occur, but for a first step I will take a deep breath, enjoy this chai tea and set an intention to live in the present while I get packed to drive towards Santa Fe. 

Psychology of Northern Arizona University

Day 2 THURSDAY
Location: Hilltop Town Homes
Entertainment: Winter Olympics (thanks Sochi), nail painting (OPI and Essie) and high-altitude brownie making (extra flour)
Weather: Snowing and 28ºF (-2.22222222222222ºC)

Sitting here in the kitchen with three ladies waiting for this bottle of wine to be opened, I finally have time to reflect on the past day and a half of my "new era" trip.

This morning I woke up ten minutes from the strip of Las Vegas in a house with three gentlemen. My first couchsurfing experience was marvelous- their cat still had balls. But really, they fed me, I made some hot toddys, played ping pong, and listened to them jam.

So, how is it that I ended up in Las Vegas? How is is that I ended up on a road trip? How is it that I ended up quitting my job? How is it that I ended up in North Fork, California?
Well, there are a number of answers to these questions. Perhaps I should start with that moment I felt a new fire ignite within me.

That defining moment can only be pinned to the minute I was left alone in Europe November of 2013; distinctly in Geneva, Switzerland. Stepping out into the cold and very windy weather along the lake I could do nothing but smile. There was this freedom in my body that opened up. Within my life I have tried so hard to control everything around me, but here this was just not happening. I had to jump in and embrace life at that present moment. Coming back to America I was a changed woman! Ha.

So I carried on through the end of 2013 meeting new people that influenced my life for the better, and as they did I realized my life could no longer follow the same monotonous path. In January I chose to quit my comfortable job and decided to take off on this road trip destined for New Orleans. Day one began with a beautiful Brazilian named Luiza whom I met a week ago. Considering we were embarking on our journeys the same day we decided to take off together. Hence the drive to North Fork- where the town was filled with Bukowski like fellas and chain smoking women. After breakfast we drove down road 225 to find the California Vipassana Center where she would be partaking in a ten day silent meditation retreat (less alcohol, more pagodas).

I ran over a squirrel (RIP).
Roadkill to rebirth.
And so, I ended up in Vegas.